Changing my Educational Paradigm

This boy was driving me crazy! How could he be SO different than his three big brothers? He couldn’t sit still. He wouldn’t do what I asked him to. I was pulling my hair out! Something had to change.

I had been homeschooling successfully for several years at this point. I had a regular routine where my three older sons would sit down and we would follow our classically inspired schedule. We read books, wrote in workbooks, watched documentaries, did projects, went on some field trips. I felt like everyone really was on course. And then Daniel turned five in January and insisted on starting school. And he forced me to get off course.

Has this ever happened to you?

Have you ever been in a situation that forced you to re-evaluate what you are doing and how you are doing it? It is hard. You are forced into something unfamiliar. It makes sense that you would fight that change. Familiarity gives comfort. But it also limits growth.

At that point in my homeschooling journey, I didn’t have a desire for growth. I had just a few years before radically changed my ideas on how my children would be educated. I hadn’t grown up knowing I would homeschool my kids. Only weirdos did something so radical! That wasn’t me… Until it was.

When our oldest son, Josh, turned five and was ready to go to kindergarten I did what I always thought I would do and went to sign him up for kindergarten. I picked up the application packet and brought it home. The first thing I had to fill out was a questionnaire. The first question was:

“Was your child born vaginally or by c-section? If vaginally, were forceps used?”

I couldn’t go any farther. My first thought was, “REALLY?!?” and then “THAT is none of your business!” I did a little research on the school and the district. I found out that the state we lived in ranked the lowest out of all fifty states in education. The district was almost at the bottom in the state, and the school was considered to be “failing”. I could see how they were trying to figure out why their students weren’t doing well, which was a good thing! I also knew I wasn’t willing to sacrifice my children’s education to help them try and fix a failing system. I just didn’t like how they were doing it. They were trying to figure out what was wrong with the kids before they even started at the school. I just knew I couldn’t send my beautiful, sensitive son to a school that wanted to label him before it had even met him. And that prompted my first major paradigm shift in regard to education. I signed him up for a private kindergarten that day and started talking to a distant relative that I heard was homeschooling. I had an infant and two preschoolers at home so I didn’t feel I could start something right away. I took two years to study and figure out how I could do it and started when our twins, Andy and Matt, were starting kindergarten.

Little did I know how many more paradigm shifts were ahead of me.

Stephen Covey, in his book “The 7 Habits of Highly Successful People” (and his son Sean’s book for teens) was my first introduction to the idea of paradigms. He states, “paradigms are powerful because they create the lens through which we see the world.” How did I see the world of education the day before I went in to sign my oldest up for kindergarten? I didn’t question it. I fully accepted it. It took a slap in the face to get me to look at something different.

One of the things that really stood out to me in Stephen Covey’s work was how he differentiated between character and personality ethics and how they related to paradigms. My oldest son, when he went to college, had to re-read Covey and he explained it well to me. He saw Dale Carnegie and his book “How to Win Friends and Influence People” as the epitome of the personality ethic. It was all about how to act in order to make things better for yourself. This was in contrast to Covey who espoused the character ethic and being principle-centered. Having character wasn’t all about yourself. It was about living in accordance with a higher standard.

Back to Daniel. I was faced with continuing to see the world through the lens of my current systems of education and organization or I could shift my paradigm. I had a decision to make.

Right around this time, I was given the opportunity to attend a seminar about Leadership Education. Leadership Education was popularized by Oliver DeMille’s book “Thomas Jefferson Education”. Before the seminar, I was asked to read the book so I could participate in a colloquium (a discussion of a shared experience – similar to a book discussion). One paragraph stood out to me.

“Greatness isn’t the work of a few geniuses, it is the purpose of each of us. It is why we were born. Every person you have ever met is a genius. Every one. Some of us have chosen not to develop it, but it is there. It is in us. All of us. It is in your spouse. It is in each of your children. You live in a world of geniuses. How can we settle for anything less than the best education? How can we tell our children that mediocre education will do, when greatness is available?”

How could I force my son into a mold he didn’t fit into? I couldn’t. I had to change my paradigm and see his genius.